Discover

Self-discovery is no easy journey, there is no one way to find yourself and to learn to cope with life. Many people seem to have tons of opinions about self-discovery as well, do this or read this, or oh you’re fine the way you are. Many people have some sort of input which makes the journey just a little more challenging at times. Perhaps you find yourself searching how to find yourself? or even how to figure out what makes you happy? or some variation of the questions that run through your melon. You read blogs by wonderful women who tell you, “You’re awesome! Only your opinion of yourself matters!” and there is more. Perhaps you have read many wonderful self-help books out there. Maybe, you came across a few that seemed to be a little overkill but, hey you have no idea what to do so why not try it. The thing I have figured out about this self-discovery journey is no one path is the same. Everyone has their layers of crap to dig through to find themselves and their happiness. My journey is not going to be the same as the next nor will my circumstances leading up to my self-discovery path be the same either. One thing I will tell you is important, find that one supportive person in your life, does not matter who. Someone or a pet that can be a person in the room for you. One thing that matters, like deep to the core, you must learn to comfort yourself. No, I am not saying you can’t seek comfort from others but I am saying you need to learn to comfort yourself and practice self-love. Which I will tell you doesn’t always come easily for everyone. This has been a tricky obstacle for me to overcome, and if you’re anything like I am, who constantly tries to get to the next step this one might be tricky for you as well. Self-love is not one you can just check off the list. This is such an important one you have to feel. Yes, sounds crazy but you have to feel the love for yourself. My journey, as it continues contains a lot of reading, a lot of writing, an excessive amount of talking to others and myself. Many pep talks, that thinking back on make me laugh and cry at the same time. One thing about self-discovery not only does it look different for everyone but the length and progress made are also different for everyone as well. My progress went quick so to speak, I woke up one day and realized that’s enough! I was done, with a capital D. There was no way I wanted to take one more step in my life if it was going to be crap. I chose at that moment, a split two-second decision, enough was enough. I began to ponder and looked at the life I was living in autopilot. I have three beautiful children, I had a husband I did not seem to know anymore, even boiled down to wondering if I ever really knew him. I made a choice that I wanted, one I wanted truly for myself. Happiness. What happened was I chose myself for the first time probably in my life. Yes, that sounds dramatic but guess what it is my story, I am the author of my own life, if I felt like I have never chosen myself than that is my truth. Anyways, I chose myself. I started to peel away the mask that I wore daily, I peeled off the wallpaper of my life to truly examine what had been going on all this time, I was on autopilot. Boy, did I cover up a lot! I was petrified at what I saw, but once I ripped it all a way I had no choice but to keep walking through the chaos that was underneath it all. I was always the one who lived in my little world, it was a poor coping mechanism I developed as a child to deal with events I didn’t know how to handle, plus being socially awkward did not help matters much. This became the moment I decided I wanted a divorce, that I was taking back my life, and that I was going to show my children an extremely important life skill, one that will stay with them for the rest of their lives, one that they will pass down to their children. I am showing my children that no matter what, you write your own life, I am showing them that you can grow no matter what your circumstances are, no matter your age, basically no matter what has happened to you. Life happens all around us, how to react to it is what matters and what you take out of it. The fear I faced almost stopped me, many times on this adventure and honestly, it sometimes still gets in the way. You have to find a way to keep pushing past the fear and trust in yourself.

This is me?!!

First off Welcome!

This is the craziest journey I have set out for and I am thrilled to share this experience with all of you. I have always had a dream to write. Yes, my first title of my first blog post is supposed to have a question mark in it! The reason for this, is aren’t we all trying to figure this out?  You are constantly learning about yourself and growing! Well to start off I suppose you should all know who you are dealing with, first off I am a mom! That pretty much sums up a huge part of my identity, though my life is surrounded by raising three wonderfully crazy children,  as I am learning isn’t all of who I am. (still figuring all the out.)  I am just an everyday mom, full time job, full time student, currently experiencing life, a mom who has a lot to say. One that is finding herself through the challenges she faces.